The Date

My daughter said I was behaving like a high school boy. She was right.  I was actually thinking that myself.

I have dipped my toes into the boy-meets-girl world. It is making me feel a bit younger and has actually energized me.

As the divorce drew closer I started to imagine life after the death of a 29-year-old marriage. I was realizing just how crazy that was – this April we would have celebrated our 30-year anniversary. I have been married so long that I had forgotten what it was like to be single. The single world had changed and I was left way behind.

A few months ago I started to wonder what God had in store for me. Was I going to be single for the rest of my life (this would suck), or would God permit me to remarry? I started to pray about it every day. I had talked with a few pastors and counselors about remarriage. Some told me it would be adultery for me to remarry, and some said it wouldn’t be a sin. So, I chose to play the middle ground. My daily prayer to God went something like this: “God, you know the desire of my heart. You know I would like to remarry. But if you want me to be single, that is OK as well. But, Lord, if you want me to be single until I die, you really need to change my heart so that I am OK being single.”

As of today, God has done nothing to change the desire of my heart.  I have had no guilt. God has done nothing to persuade me otherwise.

So, my daily prayer now is asking God to bless my love life.  I know He will introduce to me the woman He has hand-picked to be my wife.

But this is not the 1970s or the 1980s when I was last thinking about getting married. The world has changed. We now have the internet. I jumped into the world of online dating. Egad!! This is so weird.

With the exception of my former wife, every girl or woman I dated I met through church or school. This is so very different.

With online dating, I have learned, there is a weird process. The whole getting-to-know-you is now done remotely.

I created a “profile”, answered a billion questions, added several photos, and posted it. The dating site then sends me several “matches” every day. This is where the weird, kind of uncomfortable “judging” comes in.  You look at the “match profile” that is sent to you, including sometimes several photos, answers to questions (such as do they drink or smoke, what kind of music do they like, what are their interests and priorities, their age, where they live, what are their passions, the most important quality they are looking for, last book they read, what are they most thankful for, etc etc etc etc etc.)

I really do not know how I feel about this.

One of my matches was an attractive 56-year-old woman who lives in a town about 30 miles away. Good job, beautiful eyes. I have two main must-haves — they must have a strong Christian faith and they must be active, especially a love for the outdoors. This particular woman wants someone with a Christian faith, but she included that she has a strong passion for ballroom and Latin dancing.  She goes out to dance several times a week!!

We chatted a few times online, but I do not dance. Sadly, time to move on.

I have had online conversations with several women. Before those conversations, you look at their profile, find something that is interesting and then send the person a note with a question. Hopefully, they answer back and maybe asks you a question. The idea is that the conversation goes back and forth.  Sometimes it does….sometimes it fades away.

With my online dating service, it all begins with a “smile”. If you see someone who is intriguing, you push a little button on their profile page that sends them an introductory “smile”. It is a simple way to say to them, “Hey, I saw your profile.  You look interesting.  Hello.”

Sometimes they respond with a smile, sometimes not.

Meet Lisa. She is a youngster at 51 years of age. The main photo on her profile was one of Lisa and her 19-year-old daughter. Both, in my view, were very pretty. She talked a lot in her profile about her strong faith. I sent her a smile. She responded in kind

This is where I became a teenager again.

We started off chatting using the online dating service’s website. After a few days of this, we gave each other our cellphone numbers and we started texting. Last Friday night we text from 12:03 am until 3:40 am.

The next evening she asked if we could talk on the phone instead of text. We were on the phone starting at 9:31 pm and continued for six hours.

It was when she said hello that things for me started to fall apart.

I cannot explain it still, several days later. When I heard Lisa’s voice for the first time, I knew she was not the one. I had no such feeling during all the messaging. That feeling radiated throughout every nerve fiber within me during the phone call. It was totally freaky. She did not have a weird voice, no crazy laugh. It was not the words she used or the stories she told. I just knew. I talked to her that long because I was hoping that the feeling would go away.  It did not.

Still, we had made arrangements to meet the following evening. I kept this because I wanted to meet her face-to-face and to really make sure.

So, we met at a local restaurant where we enjoyed wonderful soup and a lively chat. I gave her a single red rose. We had a good time.

My decision the night before was confirmed when we started talking about my love for the mountains.  It turns out that I had not read her profile as closely as I should have. I told her about the bears I had met during my hikes and how cool that was.  I told her about a discussion I had with a ranger at a national park to the west of my home. There is a trail there where I feel like I am being watched during the first mile. The ranger said I probably was being watched – and he was referring to cougars.

It was clear she would have none of that. Her profile makes no mention of a love for the outdoors, hiking, backpacking — none of that. She was also in no condition to do anything physical. Photographs can lie.

As I walked to the car I knew I would tell her the next day that I would not pursue a relationship.  It is my heart’s desire to find a woman who wants to share the mountains and outdoors with me.

Lisa has not responded to the text I sent.

Despite the outcome, the experience was wonderful. Lisa is a very nice person and, quite honestly, it was wonderful to be pursued. It was exciting to get to know her and to go through the whole process of building a relationship.

What is truly exciting is that I know, I just know, that God has an amazing woman out there for me. There is no room for doubt. It is also wonderful to know that I have moved on from the horrible three years of depression, gut-wrenching sadness, and overflowing tears. My Lord, my savior has cleansed me from all of that and has ushered me into a new part of my life without any reservation.

I truly wish I could preach it from every mountain top, every pulpit and street corner, that I am who I am today only because of the saving power of Christ Jesus.  I was in horrible, horrible shape for those three years. It was God who brought me out of that deep quagmire of utter despair. I would still be there if it was not for His Amazing Grace.