It was a tough battle back in the early 1970s. As a teenager, I would often hang out in my bedroom and listen to music. The question was always what kind of a mood was I in? Would I play Grand Funk Railroad’s live album or would I listen to my “Evening With John Denver” record?
I guess it depended on if I felt rebellious or in need of a mountain-top experience.
Back in my teens, I was a member of a very active Boy Scout troop —- Troop 28. We had great adult leadership. One of those leaders formed a hiking patrol and I quickly joined. Two weekends a month I did something with the troop — hike, camp, build and sleep in snow caves, compete in the annual Klondike Derby snow sled races or compete against other troops at the annual Camporee. In addition, every summer I spent a week at summer camp.
My parents — my dad and both a natural mom and step-mother — were active adult leaders. Two of my older brothers attained the rank of Eagle, as I did just before my 18th birthday.
The love of the mountains must be in my DNA. My natural mom was born in a former logging town With great reverence and love, she called it “my mountain”. My dad was in the Air Force and we were stationed in Nebraska when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He asked for and was granted an emergency transfer to Tacoma so my mom could die near where she grew up.
I loved Scouting. I especially loved to hike. Every August we spent six days in a local
mountain range backpacking — a 50-miler hike. We climbed mountain passes, walked through rain forests and beautiful valleys. And yes, we ate freeze-dried food.
It was glorious.
Over the years I lost track of my badges — including my 50-miler patches that had been sewn on my backpack during my scouting days. I just figured they were lost and no longer gave it much thought.
Until about a month ago.
It was shortly after my divorce was final and I was cleaning out a closet. I grabbed a worn cardboard box and placed it on the floor. I looked inside and found the slide presentations I created while serving as a youth director for a local church. This was cool in itself. I then saw a large envelope. I opened it up, peeked inside, and nearly lost the ability to breathe for a moment. I uttered, “Oh my,” and fell to my knees. In this envelope was my entire Scouting history. My rank and office badges, all of my merit badge cards (including some signed by my dad), and most important of all, all of my 50-miler badges.
All of the above is to fully explain why God used my feet (in addition to my daughter’s dog — see my second blog) to heal my heart from three years of separation from my wife and the eventual divorce.
What I learned quickly after the separation was that God was going to use an old love to mend a broken heart. I just felt led to walk it off. I needed to do it alone. I needed to do it quietly. And I needed to do it a lot.
On the first day of my walking I brought earbuds and I was going to listen to music.
They were not used. I knew, I just knew that I needed silence. There could be no distractions. This process was all new to me. If you remember my previous blogs, I lacked much experience in real heartfelt praying.
Before I started walking each day I took a deep breath, paused, and sometimes looked skyward, and sometimes closed my eyes. A few times I closed my eyes and lifted my arms upward in total obedience and total surrender. I would say something like, “Lord, be with me on this walk. Speak to me if you wish. I am yours. I am silent so I can hear from you. Bring healing to my heart, Lord, and draw me close to you so I can hear you better.”
I very much wanted to hear God’s voice. I needed to hear His voice. I needed instructions. I needed comfort.
As it turned out, I did hear His voice a few times. One day, early in my walking, after I said my prayer, He spoke to me. Very clearly He said, “It will be OK.” I heard it as if God was standing right next to me.
Many, many times, as I did the above, my heart would explode and I would sob. I realized I had been a miserable failure in my marriage as well as my relationship with Christ. The walking and being silent before God was all about the relationship with Christ.
Much of the walking was on two different stretches of what is known locally as Pipeline Road. I did it rain or shine. The elements did not matter. But if time allowed I would hike trails in the local mountains. These were usually all-day adventures and brought me great satisfaction. Being in the mountains almost made me, well, giggly. It was like returning home —- being someplace familiar. It was like God was offering me an intimate gift. He was drawing me close and whispering in my ear, “Hey, Tom, I love you. Go play!!”
I guess you could say I was in part walking off my pain, my misery. Some use bicycles, a swimming pool, a punching bag, or chocolate. I used something very familiar to me. I used my feel.
Most of the time walking I was silent. I was not consciously praying. I was simply taking one step after another. But my God is full of mystery and wonder. Somehow he used my hiking and mixed in my surrender and obedience, and over a long time healed my heart.
The Christian band Third Day has it right in one of their songs:
God of wonders, beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
So, it turns out that God used a dog I couldn’t stand and the sport of hiking that I love to bring me to my knees in surrender. Even to this day, I continue to be surprised at the wonder of His deep affection for me — that He loves me so much and that He even knows my name. Why is that?
The Christian band MercyMe asks that question so well in the first verse of their song “God With Us”:
“Who are we
That You would be mindful of us?
What do You see
That’s worth looking our way?”
The band answers that question:
“My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel. God with us.”
God does have a sense of humor and chose to allow me to hold on to some of my youthful rebelliousness. As I am driving along in my car, you will often find me singing along to faith-based songs, some that date back to the 1970s and some are much more current. But maybe just as often you will hear me sing to some great songs from the 1970s by Styx, Journey, Led Zeppelin, and yes, even Grand Funk. My God is great.
Let me know if you want to join me on a hike.
A Man's Divorce 